I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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