he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
