the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
