My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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