I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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