I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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