Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
