Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
