I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
