ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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