last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
