Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
