Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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