Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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