We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
