Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
