I think I won the penis lottery.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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