I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
