Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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