your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
