i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
