She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My dick has a subreddit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
