Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize