He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
