Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
