the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
