12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Randomize
