I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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