I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
