I'm so fucking centered right now
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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