im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
