did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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