32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
