Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
