somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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