Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
