If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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