Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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