WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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