i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
