I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
