If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
