tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The uberlube is also flammable
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
