I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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