Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
