Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
