They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
