You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
