I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
