Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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