I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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