Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
