I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
