I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
