I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
