Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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