oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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