Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
try to milk me bitch
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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