Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize