I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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