so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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