Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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