if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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