dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
