i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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