Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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