Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
