i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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