Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
