I looked at my own cervix.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
