I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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