Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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